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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635197">Letters</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cereal_and_sadness/pseuds/cereal_and_sadness'>cereal_and_sadness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Epistolary, Fluff and Angst, M/M, skz - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:20:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635197</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cereal_and_sadness/pseuds/cereal_and_sadness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"There are three things you need to know before reading this:<br/>1. There are no happy endings, some of us just end up with a little less tragedy than everyone else.<br/>2. You were never supposed to read any of these, so if you are, then first of all I hate you for this, but you reading this means I'm gone.<br/>3. I never really stopped loving you."</p><p>CROSSPOSTED ON WATTPAD @ cereal-and-sadness</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. INTRO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Felix jogged over to Seungmin and set a box on the ground next to him.</p><p>“What is this?” Seungmin asked.</p><p>Felix held up one finger, signaling that he needed a moment to catch his breath. “Don’t open the box until you’re home and you’re by yourself. Hyunjin would kill me if he knew I gave you this.” And without another word, Felix left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ONE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> There are three things you need to know before you read this:  </em>
</p><p> </p><ol>
<li><em>There are no happy endings, some of us just end with a little less tragedy than everyone else. </em></li>
<li><em>You were never supposed to read any of these, so if you are, then first of all I hate you for this, but you reading these means I’m gone. </em></li>
<li><em>I never really stopped loving you.</em></li>
</ol><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. TWO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>March 21</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My therapist said that I should start writing letters to myself and maybe the people I care about. He thinks it’ll be good for me to document my progress or something like that. I think that’s stupid. Like, “Hey Hyunjin. You got your driver’s license today!” Or “Hiya, Hyunjin! Here’s an unnecessary description of what you did today just in case you forget in three years when it doesn’t matter anymore.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So I’m not writing to myself. I’m writing to you because you’re my best friend and I don’t feel bad annoying you and you’ll never read any of these anyway. Thanks, Seungmin. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. THREE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>May 8</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin-</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The past few weeks have been so painfully uneventful that I haven’t even bothered writing you letters because I don’t want to bore you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Something interesting happened today, though. You already know because we were sitting together, but these letters are for me so you get to deal with repeat memories. This girl came up to us at lunch and sat across from us and she started hitting on me. I felt really bad because I’m a pushover and I don’t like making people unhappy, so I just sat there. I guess you could tell I was super uncomfortable because you just grabbed my hand on top of the table and told the girl to back off because I’m yours. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I wouldn’t mind being yours. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>From Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. FOUR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>May 26</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Nothing particularly interesting has happened lately that’s worth writing down for you/future me. But we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately, which is really nice and I’d say that’s worth noting. We used to not talk much outside of class, but almost a year ago there was a day where Felix wasn’t at school and since I was alone and your normal lunch pal wasn’t at school, you sat with me. And then you and Felix both started sitting with me every day. I’m really glad he ditched school that day, because we became friends. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. FIVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>May 29</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In my last letter I mentioned that we’ve been spending a lot of time together (still not enough, honestly) and that I’ve really enjoyed it. It becomes more true every time we hang out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Like last night. We tried to make cookies even though neither of us can cook. We never actually got around to making them, though. You threw a handful of flour in my face, so I flung some powdered sugar at you and it became a war. We just kept throwing ingredients at each other and laughing. I really like your laugh. And your smile. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love when I’m the one who makes you laugh like that, or when you smile at me for no reason, or when you just rest your head on my shoulder. Being with you is so calming. After we cleaned up from our little war, we sat on the couch and watched a movie, and you told me to lay down while you went to find blankets. You’ve been at my place enough that I know you know where everything is, so I laid down and waited for you. You came back with a blanket and just laid on me and hugged me and wrapped the blanket around us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so peaceful and happy. You let me play with your hair, and you fell asleep smiling. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Have I mentioned how much I love your smile?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>With love,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. SIX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>June 13</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry I’ve been acting so weird lately. I hope you know you didn’t do anything wrong, I’ve just been so confused all the time and I don’t want to drag you into all of it. Especially since you’re the one making me so confused. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Felix says it’s because I like you, but I don’t really know. Is that wrong? I don’t have anything against gays, obviously, I’m 100% in support of Felix and his boyfriend, I just don’t know if I am. I worry it’s wrong because you’re my best friend. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is it possible for me to not be gay and not like boys, but to still like you? With you, I wouldn’t care if you were a boy or a girl or whatever else, I just want you to stay in my life for a long time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>From Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. SEVEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>June 27</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I think I’ve finally figured it out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m not gay, I just like you. Does that even make sense? I mean I don’t like boys. Only one boy. And I like that boy a lot. (Just in case I wasn’t clear enough, that boy is you.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I’m not gonna say anything. I value our friendship too much to ruin it because I’m selfish. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yours, but not really, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. EIGHT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>July 14</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought today’s letter would be an apology. As soon as I kissed you, I told myself I’d say sorry in person and write you the sincerest apology letter in history. But then you kissed me again. So I guess instead of an apology, this is a thank you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. NINE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>July 20</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s been almost a week and neither of us has said anything about the kiss. Felix brought it up to me, which means you told him. I’m not angry or anything, I just hope you don’t regret it and I hope this doesn’t change us. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>From Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. TEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 1</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Felix is an idiot. He told Changbin that you and I kissed and now they’re devising a plan to get us together. They’ve even got a flow chart. Do they seriously not notice me sitting right across from them while they plot this? Maybe they want me to hear all of it so I’ll do something rather than them having to follow through with their stupid plan. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Can we please talk about what happened?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>From Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. ELEVEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 2</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I swear you’re the smartest person alive. You can read my mind, I’m convinced. Either that or you’ve found my letters. Whatever it is, you dragged me into an empty classroom today and demanded that we talk. I asked what you wanted to talk about, and you told me not to act stupid. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course I knew what it was about, but I had expected it to be a, “You’re awful and I hope I never see your face again” kind of conversation. Instead, you got all quiet and you wouldn’t look at me. You were really quiet, but I still remember what you said word for word. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“It’s been more than three weeks,” you said, “And it’s killing me. I have to know… why did you kiss me?” That was the first time you looked at me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I freaked out and accidentally admitted that it’s because I really like you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You smiled and said, “You kissed me because you like me?” Then you looked at the floor and whispered, “Do you like me enough to do it again?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Obviously I like you enough. So I did it. I’m glad I did, because seeing you smile after made me so happy words can’t explain it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. TWELVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You never told me if you like me back</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. THIRTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 16</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Felix threw a little temper tantrum today. He found out that you haven’t talked to me in almost two weeks since I kissed you again and he threw a grape at my forehead and started grumbling about how much time he spent coaching you into being brave enough to tell me something. He wouldn’t say what that ‘something’ you wanted to tell me is, but I hope it means what I think it does. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. FOURTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 19</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be honest, I was really surprised when you showed up at my house at four in the morning. I was even more surprised when you handed me flowers and kissed me on the cheek before you ran off. There was a little note on the flowers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I like you, too.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t get back to sleep. I was too busy planning how to ask you on a date. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. FIFTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 24</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I considered writing a letter to ask you out, but then I might have to explain why the letter would be labeled with a number, and I think it would probably be weird to find out I’ve been writing you all these letters for months now. The pages I use for the letters has pre-marked numbers so I know what order they go in, and I don’t think you getting a random 15 is very romantic. Although the way I asked you out wasn’t super romantic. I gave you a daisy and said, “Do you want to go on a date with me?” I thought it would backfire since it was so simple and I was nervous and stuttering a lot. But you said yes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Gratefully, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. SIXTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 1</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Could we be any more cliché? We went out to a coffee shop and got pumpkin spice lattes before we went back to my place to watch movies. You held my hand the whole way home. September is the beginning of fall, and I’m glad you didn’t decide to clown me for ordering pumpkin spice. You didn’t make fun of me at all. You asked for the same thing. You’re really cute. I wanted to say it today but was too scared. Sorry :(</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sincerely, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. SEVENTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 15</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As much as I want to make fun of you for being bad at laser tag, I can’t. You’re just too cute, even when you’re stumbling through a laser tag course in the dark I can’t make myself be mean to you. Thanks for going with me. I didn’t want to third wheel with Changbin and Felix, so they told me it was okay to invite you. I want us to be a cute couple like them someday, but I have to find the confidence to ask you to be my boyfriend first. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. EIGHTEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 22</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Happy birthday Minnie!!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re a little punk, you know that? I had such a good plan to ask you to be my boyfriend today but you beat me to it &gt;:(</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>(I’m not actually mad. As long as you’re mine and I’m yours, I don’t care if my plan didn’t work out. I just care about you.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. NINETEEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 5</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I haven’t written many letters lately because I’ve actually been confident enough to talk to you since we started dating. Now I’m not scared to tell you I love you. I used to be too scared to even write it in my letters, but now I say it all the time. But this is something I still can’t figure out how to say in person. I’ve felt kinda sick all the time lately. I passed out at Jisung’s Halloween party, but I lied and said I had drank too much. I still don’t know what actually happened. My therapist thinks I should write more about it in my letters, but I really don’t want to. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. TWENTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 12</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will never get tired of kissing you. That sounds weird but I wrote it in pen so I can’t erase it and now I’m kind of embarrassed but it’s fine-</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re just?? So cute and soft and you’re always really gentle and kind and? You’re the best person I’ve ever met. You make my life so much better and you make me want to be a better person. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>♡ Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. TWENTY-ONE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 15</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know most of my letters are dumb and cheesy and whatever, but I can’t stop thinking about how much you’ve changed my life. Before we met, I had never been close with anyone, and I had never been able to trust other people. But you’ve changed me. I’m kinder than I was, and I’m honest, and I’m not afraid to be close to you. If not for you, I’d still be scared to let people touch me, I wouldn’t talk to anyone or take chances, and I would never know what love is. I’ve said it so many times and it’ll never be enough, but I won’t stop saying it. Thank you, Minnie. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. TWENTY-TWO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 19</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wish things were easy. I wish there was a simple answer to every problem and I wish I could tell you everything that’s on my mind but I don’t think I understand it yet myself. My therapist says I should just keep writing letters. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. TWENTY-THREE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>December… ?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been asleep for most of our winter break so far. Your family is out of town, so I haven’t had anything to look forward to. I’m just exhausted all the time and all I can really do nowadays is sleep and write. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything else hurts too much. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t know how long I can keep this up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry :(  -Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. TWENTY-FOUR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>January 1</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you’re not fond of parties and I know you aren’t really into cliché holiday celebrations with overused tropes and dumb predictable stories. But I think our overused trope and dumb predictable situation is really nice. A midnight kiss on new years is so tacky, but with you it feels like we’re the only two people to have ever experienced anything like it. It’s amazing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m glad I started out this year kissing you. I wish every day could be like this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe it can. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. TWENTY-FIVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>January 13</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not thrilled about being back at school. I can tell you feel the same way, because you look tired and you aren’t talking much. Why won’t you tell me what’s going on? Did I do something?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. TWENTY-SIX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>January 22</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung told me why you were upset. He said that you’re worried about me because I’m always tired or sick or sad or not eating properly. I don’t want you to have to worry about me. You’re my baby and I want to make you happy. I wish there was something I could do to change this situation, but I can’t make myself stop being sick and I can’t make you not be concerned. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re really sweet. Remember to take care of yourself the way you take care of everyone else. You deserve it more than they do.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yours, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. TWENTY-SEVEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>February 14</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you a lot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. TWENTY-EIGHT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>March 6</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My therapist said I don’t seem to be getting a whole lot better, but that the letters are at least keeping me stable. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry in advance for whatever happens once I stop writing to you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No matter what I do or whatever comes to us, remember that I love you more than anything. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>♡ Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. TWENTY-NINE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>April 23</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’d like to start out by apologising for the infrequency of my letters lately. I really don’t have the energy to write, but that doesn’t matter when it’s about you. I won’t stop writing you letters telling you that I love you and care about you. I don’t care how exhausted I am or how much it hurts or how bad I feel, I won’t let you down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>At least, I’ll try not to. I won’t promise, because promises are made to be broken, but I’ll give you my word that as long as I can write I’ll write about loving you. You need to know how much you mean to me even when I can’t be there to tell you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. THIRTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>April 29</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You haven’t talked to me much lately. Is it because I’m not at school half the time? Or did something happen?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wish we were as close as we were, but things have been so complicated lately. All my free time goes to trying to catch up on all the school I’ve missed, and I’m seeing my therapist twice a week now instead of once. You’re out of town touring colleges every weekend and you’re up all night doing homework and extra credit and writing college entrance essays. I’m really proud of how hard you work. I wish we had more time together, because I’d like to be able to see where your hard work gets you in the future. You’re gonna do great things, baby. I believe in you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. THIRTY-ONE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>May 1</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Min - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I just realised that it’s been more than a year since I started writing these letters. I’ve been super out of it lately, and I think it’s probably because of my new medication. I really am trying to be there for you, but you seem to be hurt more often than you’re happy when I’m around. Maybe it would be better for you if I took a step back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>♡ Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. THIRTY-TWO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>May 29</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ve been back to the doctor pretty much every weekend since Jisung’s Halloween party. My mom is really concerned about the fact that I passed out, but they keep saying nothing is wrong and that I’ve been really sick because of stress. Once I’m healthy again I promise I’ll make up for all the lost time. I love you and want to make you happy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yours, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. THIRTY-THREE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>June 3</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>100% honesty: I was a bit discouraged to find out you wouldn’t be home for summer break this year. But I’m happy you and your family are taking a vacation. I hope you get some rest and have a really good time. Please try not to worry. Just focus on being happy. :)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. THIRTY-FOUR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 5</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They finally figured it out. My mom won’t stop talking about the fact that she was “right all along” and how the doctors took nearly a year to get their heads out of their asses and try to help me. I guess it wasn’t the stress that was making me sick after all. Apparently I have an auto-immune condition. Basically my immune system is constantly attacking itself. They don’t know exactly what it is yet, but they said it’s similar to Lupus in that it’s affecting my skin and kidneys a lot. They’ve got me on a handful of pills every morning and every night -- vitamins, mostly, since my body is kind of stupid and isn’t too keen on the nutrients I already give it.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They said we’re lucky to have caught it while I’m so young because it means I have an exponentially higher chance of living a long and healthy life, even though I’ll likely never be able to stop taking handfuls of pills. Whatever it takes, I’m glad to be able to stay with you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. THIRTY-FIVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 9</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry Minnie.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Jisung sort of knows the situation and is helping me. I realised that now wouldn’t be a good time to tell you since you’re working so hard to study for your college entrance exams despite the fact that you’re still on a vacation with your family. I don’t want to ruin either of those things for you, so I’ll wait. But for now you don’t need to know. I don’t want to keep hurting you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hyunjin </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. THIRTY-SIX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>August 29</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We’re back at school now and you’re being cute and clingy again. I missed getting to hold you and kiss you whenever I want. Please don’t drift away from me again. I’m getting better at managing things and you know it, so please give me a chance to continue improving so I can get better and better until I’m everything I want to be for you. It just takes patience and time. I’m willing to wait for you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Would you wait for me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. THIRTY-SEVEN</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 15</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Your birthday is in a week (and today is Felix’s birthday). Do you know what else is in a week? In seven days you and I will have been dating for a full year. It’s been a bumpy road, but I never once lost hope in us and our future. We’ve been through a lot together, and I hope we can be together for a long time. I love you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>♡ Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. THIRTY-EIGHT</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 22</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to your birthday party. I’d tell you what happened that prevented me from going, but I still don’t even know. All I know is I was getting ready for your party and then I was in the hospital. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sorry again. :(</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. THIRTY-NINE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>September 28</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are you ignoring me because I missed your party or is it something else? I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much lately. The doctors said they’ve got some new experimental treatment that’s supposed to strengthen my immune system, but I keep getting sicker. I’m not trying to leave you or disregard you. Believe me, I’d spend every second with you if I could, but they won’t even let me go to school anymore. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. FORTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>October 6</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know the doctor says that being around other people will cause me to get sick again, but I want to see you. He says the treatment weakens my immune system before it rebounds and is even better than before, but that he’s worried about my kidney functioning. I guess it’s not great. But I feel great, because you’re coming over today. Please don’t freak out when you see me. I just want to see you smile again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Jinnie</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. FORTY-ONE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>October 6</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I didn’t realise it would upset you, I’ve just missed you so much. I was worried that you might feel weird about all the stupid medical equipment they’ve put into my house, but I didn’t think it would make you cry. I was weak but I forced myself to stand up so I could hug you because I really needed it. When you asked why the medical stuff was here, I lied. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“My mom is sick and this is all to help keep her condition stable,” I told you. You believed it when you saw her walk downstairs though. She hasn’t been sleeping much lately, probably because she’s got so much she deals with all the time, so she looks sick. She hasn’t been eating properly either. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to lie to you, but I don’t want to hurt you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. FORTY-TWO</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>October 9</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There are so many things I want to say to you that I can’t. Felix told me that you’ve been crying lately because you feel like I’ve been pushing you away. I’m sorry. They brought me back to the hospital because the treatment wasn’t progressing as quickly as they wanted it to. They won’t even let my mom see me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They let me have a pen and paper because my therapist convinced them that it’s beneficial for my well-being. I’m grateful, because it means I can still tell you all the things I’ll never say to your face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. I hate being sick all the time, and I think whatever treatment they’re doing combined with all the medications they have me taking is making me worse. I never had any issue breathing before (except for when you were around, because you take my breath away) sorry off topic I miss being around you. I never had any trouble with breathing and my chest never hurt before all of this. They said it means I’m getting better. So why won’t they let anyone in my room?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. FORTY-THREE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>October 14</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They still won’t let my mom in. They said they’ve quarantined me to observe the progress with the treatment. I feel like there’s something they’re not telling me. This is more than just my immune system turning against me. I’m in pain all the time, and I can’t eat anything without throwing up anymore. I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. And every day it gets harder to breathe. My back hurts, and it’s too painful in my legs for me to even stand up. But every day I find one reason to smile, and that reason is always you. I can’t wait until I can hold you again. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. FORTY-FOUR</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 2</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They definitely know more than they’re letting on. I haven’t seen my mom in about a month, and the only people who have even come near me are the researchers who told me this experimental treatment could help me. At first, I was going in twice a week for injections and taking pills every night, but now they administer all my medications through IV or this strange machine that I have to breathe through because I can’t keep pills down any better than I can with food. They said the new thing will help me breathe better. If I remember correctly, it’s called a nebuliser. It’s like a mask almost, it’s plastic and it covers my mouth and nose and I have to breathe in whatever it is they’re giving me for a certain amount of time. But I don’t know why it started being hard to breathe in the first place. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Still yours, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. FORTY-FIVE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 10</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie -</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They finally let someone into my room for a reason other than pumping my system full of drugs. My therapist came to see me. He read through all of my letters and said he was glad to see that you’ve remained a strong support for me through this whole mess. But he also said he wanted to talk to the researchers. Apparently it’s unethical to administer medications to a patient, especially a minor, without the patient and their parents’ knowledge and approval. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They brought in a general practitioner to assess my condition. He said my hands and feet should have far more mobility than they do, but they’re too swollen to move properly. My face is puffy, and I’m pale. I wish they hadn’t made me look at myself, because I don’t look like myself anymore. He also said I haven’t been getting adequate nutrition since I keep throwing up every time I try to eat and that my weight is getting to be lower than he thinks is safe. He told the researchers that he thinks they should call off the study and have me put into a medically-induced coma in order to force my body to reset and resume normal functioning. He said I’d still be getting nutrients through an IV, but that my body could recover from exhaustion and fatigue. All of us were opposed to this idea, me especially. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. FORTY-SIX</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>November 24</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Minnie - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll be honest with you. I haven’t told anyone else, but I’m really scared. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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<a name="section0048"><h2>48. FORTY-SEVEN</h2></a>
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  <em>
    <span>November 28</span>
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  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
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    <span>It’s not getting easier to breathe. I keep coughing, and last night I was coughing up blood. I haven’t told the doctors that; I don’t exactly trust them. It hurts to move, it hurts to breathe, and it hurts to exist. But thinking about you alleviates some of the pain. Thank you for being here, even without being here. I love you. </span>
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  <em>
    <span>Yours, Hyunjin</span>
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<a name="section0049"><h2>49. FORTY-EIGHT</h2></a>
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  <em>
    <span>December 5</span>
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    <span>Seungmin -</span>
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    <span>This morning they found out about me coughing up blood since it’s been getting worse. I don’t think they expected this, because they just stood outside my room whispering for a long time. When they came back inside, I broke down. I started crying, and I begged them to let me see my mom again. I miss her so much. </span>
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  <em>
    <span>They told me, “contact with the outside world will make your condition worse.”</span>
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    <span>I didn’t know I had enough strength left to scream, but I guess I did. “I don’t care if it kills me, I need to see my mom and Seungmin.”</span>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They said I was only allowed to see my mom. I wish you could’ve been here too. I miss you, and it’s painful knowing I have no way to tell you how much I love you. </span>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Love, Hyunjin</span>
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<a name="section0050"><h2>50. FORTY-NINE</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>December 19</span>
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</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Seungmin - </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s been two weeks since my last letter. I don’t have the strength to do anything anymore, so my mom is writing down whatever I tell her to. We’ve all finally agreed that because my organs are apparently all sacks of shit and are shutting down, we won’t be continuing the study. We won’t be continuing the medications or the treatment. And I won’t be continuing to live in pain. I know this will be hard for everyone, but I need you to promise me one thing. Never ever doubt how much I loved you. You have been my strong foundation that’s kept me from falling apart. You’re my world, Seungmin. I love you more than words can describe. I never stopped loving you, and I never will. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Forever yours, Hyunjin. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
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<a name="section0051"><h2>51. FIFTY</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Seungmin pounded on the door and screamed as he sobbed. “Ms. Hwang! Please open up! Please…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slowly opened to reveal Hyunjin’s mother. She looked like she had aged decades over only a few months. “Hi, Seungmin,” she said with a sad smile, “It’s so good to see you again, sweetheart. Nothing’s been the same since you haven’t been around.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is he?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ms. Hwang sighed. “Seungmin, honey, you know what happened.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Seungmin ran up the stairs to Hyunjin’s bedroom. He threw the door open and continued crying. “He’s not gone. His room is the same. He’s gonna come home. He has to come home. I need him.” He collapsed to his knees as his whole body shook. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hyunjin’s mother placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “He’s gone. I’m so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened? He disappeared, and I was so scared that I did something to hurt him, but Felix just kept telling me Hyunjin was okay and that he wasn’t angry with me, but no one would tell me where he was,” Seungmin wept, “I came here every day. Hyunjin gave me a key, so I came in and waited for him. I’d sit on the floor in here and wait. I kept telling myself that he’d come back to me and that I had to be patient for him. I love him, so of course I’d wait. I’d wait for years if it meant I could see him again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sniffle and a shaky breath, Hyunjin’s mother whispered, “Kidney failure.” Seungmin looked up and waited for her to continue. “I know Felix gave you the letters, so you already know what happened. When we first found out about his condition they told us that it was heavily impacting his kidneys, but that it was treatable and he would be okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They said he would be okay,” the teen whimpered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When his kidneys started failing, everything went downhill. He was throwing up all the time because of it, and his body was slowly breaking down his muscles and organs trying to just stay alive. He couldn’t keep food down, and the IV wasn’t effective, so his body had to find nutrients wherever it could.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seungmin hiccuped as he cried even harder. “He was in so much pain and I wasn’t there for him. I should’ve fought harder to figure out where he was and why he was gone. I should’ve been there to help him. I should’ve—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin,” Ms. Hwang sternly interrupted, “Don’t ever think you should’ve done anything differently. You were Hyunjin’s hope and happiness. The doctors told me that he would’ve died far sooner than he did, but that he stayed alive weeks longer than expected because of you. They said that when a patient has something they’re fighting for, that they have higher rates of remission and recovery.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I wasn’t enough,” Seungmin whispered, “He fought so hard because of me and I wasn’t enough to help him. He was hurting for so long because of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seungmin, sweetie, do you remember Hyunjin’s last letter?” The boy nodded. “Hyunjin said he wanted you to remember something. What did he want you to never forget?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That he loves me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded. “Yeah, he loves you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silent tears streamed down Seungmin’s cheeks as he smiled slightly. “I love him.”</span>
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